English Version | Occupation: full-time mom

The scene takes place in the fourth season of the must-see series Sex and the City. Charlotte and Miranda are talking about Charlotte's decision to quit her job at the gallery to dedicate herself to being an excellent housewife and, eventually, an even better mother. Miranda, shocked, questions her decision. Throughout the episode you get the feeling that Charlotte is questioning herself, but at the same time we all know, as viewers, that Charlotte is cut out for it. Being a (full-time) mother is in her soul and it's all right. As the term itself suggests, a stay-at-home mom refers to a mother who chooses to stay at home to look after her children full-time, as opposed to working outside the home for pay. "The choice to be a stay-at-home mom can be influenced by a variety of factors, such as individual preferences, family values, the needs of the children themselves, as well as financial circumstances. While some mothers choose to stay at home for the first few years of their children's lives, others may do so for a longer period, depending on the family's needs," explains Carolina de Freitas Nunes, a psychologist at Cognilab. Catarina Perestrelo Pinto, 43, is the mother of two young children. As a personal concierge, organizing trips is one of her core businesses - "I can't sit still 100%", she confesses. She tells Vogue Portugal that she was working when her waters broke: "I was at the computer writing an article for [my travel blog] Cate & the City. I called the doctor and said I thought the baby was coming. She said: 'Cough to be sure'. The water broke and there we were: me, the computer and the water" (laughs). With the birth of her first child, her restless spirit slowed down. For Catarina, there comes a time when accompanying the baby is invaluable: "While [the baby] is small, he needs more protection, quality time." That's when the personal concierge put her work aside for a while. For her, family is the basis of everything in life, the great structure, the greatest love. "Having children is a blessing, I have a duty and obligation to do my best. And being able to spend time with my children is a greater blessing. Having the quality of life I have today is also a great achievement. I feel that I'm preparing them for a successful life, with confidence and self-esteem, having a mother who is so present and who accompanies them," she says.

Constança Clara had her second child at the age of 33 - the first had been born no less than 16 months earlier. It was at this point that the fine arts professional, an activity she had always combined with property renovation and interior decoration, had to make some decisions. The day had come when she would have to opt for the professional activity that generated the most money - renovation - and leave the arts in the background. "What started out as 'taking a six-month break from the arts' to devote myself to motherhood became 'closing the studio completely'." The role of a stay-at-home mom involves a wide range of responsibilities, including childcare, house management and emotional support for the family. "These mothers often play a central role in family life, providing emotional support and guidance to their children, as well as managing the necessary daily housekeeping tasks," says psychologist Carolina de Freitas Nunes. For Catarina, the most challenging part of this decision was the financial issues, which led her to design a business that wouldn't require her to travel and would allow her to be more present in her children's lives. "I created Baby Jump, a gym at Quinta da Bicuda, in Cascais, where mothers weave a greater bond with their little ones; at the same time, they play and develop their motor skills, while creating social bonds with other babies." As Carolina de Freitas Nunes explains, "for many women, motherhood is a unique experience that awakens a strong desire to be present in the first years of their children's lives. The decision to become a full-time mother is usually made over a period of time and with various considerations and stages. There are couples who discuss this issue before the birth of their children, others who decide only when maternity leave is underway or coming to an end. This decision is often multifaceted and can be influenced by a variety of psychological, social and economic factors," she continues. Despite everything, the fear is real - and naturally so. For the majority of women who choose to stay at home with their children, the biggest fear is the loss of income from their work, and therefore their financial autonomy. Other reasons include social isolation: "The role of full-time caregiver can be a lonely one, especially if the mother doesn't have a robust social support network or frequent opportunities to interact with other people outside the home environment," says the psychologist. Constança knows that at the time she did what was necessary to take care of her family, but she confesses that she felt unhappy. "It was hard for me not to have the space and time to devote to an activity that I was passionate about and in which I had invested so much training and professional experience. I always believed that if I managed to maintain an artistic practice throughout my life, one day I would be able to support myself solely from the arts. And that belief gave me the energy to combine two professional activities, one that generates money - rehabilitation - and the other for passion and future investment - the arts. When the children arrived, I had to opt for the professional activity that generates immediate money and I no longer had the time to continue investing in building my artistic portfolio." Over the last few decades, there have been significant changes in the socio-economic and cultural context that have had an impact on a woman's decision to become a stay-at-home mom. In the past, it was more common for women to leave the workforce to look after their children full-time. Today, women have more professional opportunities and therefore more pressure to balance work and family. In addition, institutional and political support, as well as access to information, have changed perceptions of the options available to women. The Cognilab psychologist says that there seems to be a downward trend in the number of women who decide to become full-time mothers in Portugal, compared to 20 or 30 years ago: "This change is in line with social and cultural transformations that promote greater gender equality and the sharing of responsibilities between fathers and mothers." Carolina de Freitas Nunes points out that one of the main advantages of being a stay-at-home mom is the greater involvement in raising children. "By being at home full-time, the mother has the opportunity to actively participate in the children's development and upbringing. In addition, the flexibility of the schedule is a significant benefit, allowing the mother to adapt the routine according to the individual needs of the family. This can reduce work-related stress, providing a more peaceful environment at home. Another positive aspect is the possibility of building stronger emotional bonds with the children, being more present to support them emotionally." Each case is different and all formulas are winners. Constança believes that children choose the families they are born into and that this means that all childhood experiences, "good and bad", enable human beings to learn, grow and become something better. For the artist, "until the age of six or seven, the foundations of the adult human being are created and, for this reason, dedicating myself to my children at this stage is an investment I'm willing to make at any cost. Who knows, maybe once they're grown up and independent I'll have time to devote to the arts again. As an artist, I've always felt that my children are the most beautiful masterpiece I've ever dedicated myself to." Being a stay-at-home mom is a choice, but it's still a job - and a hard one. In short, let's just say that the expression "working mom" is redundant.

Translated from the original on Vogue Portugal's Mother Nature issue, published May 2024. Full stories and credits in the print issue.