English Version | She's a peach!

As in she's a peach, which is the expression Brits use to react to the image/appearance of, without leaving Britain and in increasing age order, Lucy Boynton, Odessa Young, Rachel Weisz, Vanessa Redgrave, or Helen Mirren. For Portuguese, the connotation is different. To define a feminine attribute as "peach" would only fit Tilda Swinton. And it would have to do with the apparent texture of her skin.

Sad for the population of planet Earth that, stricken by a pandemic (and I apologize in advance for mentioning a subject that nobody wants to remember), was forced into confinement that came just after the social networking giants Facebook and WhatsApp threatened to ban anyone who used the emojis with sexual connotations in their publications or private chats. It's just that this measure happened in October 2019, which was a bummer, because the doll had come in handy to overcome the loneliness that, there's no denying, came down on everyone like a large granite pebble in the highest mountain range in mainland Portugal (let's leave aside the basalt of Pico Island and the equally recurrent sexual connotation of an erupting volcano - or is it just me who sees potential there?). Yes, modern times are like this, my dears: "Eggplant Emoji question mark" and the interlocutor replies: "But of course I did, I could see you weren't asking me or that you were one of those who first has to buy dinner" (which by the way back then would have to be taken away). Of course, the fact that in the universe of sexting, the eggplant represents the male genital organ proves well that modesty is not with us guys. But that is me who can only propose, in a conversation of this kind, and if it is very cold, a baby carrot abandoned at the bottom of the cuvette. Of course, the reader has already guessed that the female genitalia is, in this universe, represented by a peach. In fact, according to Emojipedia, supposedly the highest authority on this subject, only 7% of the times the peach emoji is used it refers to the fruit itself. The overwhelming majority of the time it is meant to compliment a nude (which curiously does not incur a ban) and the rest come with eggplant in the same message invitation. There are more, of course. But let's leave the sweat drops, which signify orgasm (which is why you should think twice before using them to illustrate a story in the gym), or the little purple devil that suggests naughty intentions, and stick to food products. The cherries represent testicles as well as breasts, the club (not the golf club, but the Mexican snack) represents a vagina, the hotdog represents the union between male and female genitalia, the lollipop needs no explanation, the donut is an invitation to anal sex and the banana is, there you go, the eggplant of the humblest, because even though it is not a Chiquita and is nothing more than a specimen of Dona Dolores, it is also not a vegetable that, transformed into baba ganoush, is enough for six.

Let's go back to the beginning. The word peach is derived from persicum, meaning "from Persia," because that's where it was brought to Europe from. Note that in French it is said "pêche," in Italian "pesca," and even in English, whose root is not Latin, it is "peach." The Portuguese changed things a bit because a word very close to "fish," which is sacred to us, didn't come in very handy. And let's face it, a peach may be sweet, but it's not enough for a sardine stew or a fish stew. The first reference to this fruit is made by Pliny, a Roman naturalist, and philosopher, who tells of its cultivation in a territory that today corresponds to Greece, in the year 386 BC. Its seeds traveled to Persia on trade routes from China, a country that still has, in its northwesternmost region, extensive groves of wild peach trees. The germ (not to use sperm as another synonym for seed, which is used in biology, so you can stop this nonsense now) of the peach tree is so easy to propagate (which is why it is now so widespread all over the world with such diverse species, from tropical climates to regions that can reach -30oC) that although it is known that its cultivation dates back four thousand years, it is not possible to know exactly where it comes from - even if it is the original, brownish and furred one, and not its modern varieties, about which I will elaborate a little later and, I assure you, it will not be good. As a matter of curiosity, and because this business of eating has everything to do (or should have to do) with tradition, and being that in the overwhelming majority of cases tradition is still what it used to be (and is still good), China produces, annually, fifteen thousand tons of peaches, in its very old variety (the original), of an incomparable sweetness and that can be found in the supermarkets selling Asian products in Martim Moniz, Lisbon (and it is worth it). Italy, which is the world's second-largest producer, harvests a little over a million tons and a few grams. Curiously, in the Iberian Peninsula, it was only about a thousand years ago that we were able to taste our first specimen.

And those responsible for its introduction did not come from Rome. It was the Moors, who with them also brought great agricultural innovations with their mastery of irrigation techniques. Times changed and peaches followed the trend. As I am a very old boy, I never knew what the "Paraguayan" variety was, specimens that appeared a little less than a dozen years ago (honestly, I relate them to the emergence of what is called "Indian grocery stores"): they have a flatter shape and seem to have been injected with a sweetener of the aspartame kind. Yes, when I was a kid, my trips to the beach always had the three (only) species of peaches that were found in the country. The "normal", the "gnawing", and the "bald", which in the meantime has changed its name to "nectarine", that is, an obvious Spanish usurpation like so many others, which have lowered the quality of our fruit and vegetables just as Seat has dramatically increased diesel emissions.

I will always understand, and have since the films Fargo (1996) and Magnolia (1999), never allowing William H. Macy to be relegated to anything other than the top spot. But the harsh reality is that, like The Office, the Shameless series is a hilarious 2004 British original signed by the genius Paul Abbot and not a 2011 Showtime label. Now imagine the loaded accent of the suburbs of Manchester on an elderly woman who, in the usual pub that serves as the setting for so many scenes, declares, "I like my penises to look like a baby's little arm holding a peach in its hand." It is quite descriptive, humorous enough, extravagant enough, and even, within the genre, cuddly enough, even for those who prefer less childish arms. Yes, far beyond its appearance, which inevitably refers to fields other than the gourmet (including the color, which already has a place in Pantone and is too orange as nude is to salmon), there is a whole associated poetics. For example, I'm not one to stand here accusing Carlos Tê (the man who wrote Rui Veloso's lyrics) of plagiarism just because he took the famous phrase from Clea, one of the books of Lawrence Durrell's Alexandria Quartet. I am fascinated, yes, that someone can "Gnaw an orange", whether on a cliff or somewhere else. How do you "gnaw" an orange? With the peel? because once peeled, you can bite, sip, suck, you can do ANYTHING but gnaw. Peaches, on the other hand, are gnawed and the juice is allowed to run down the chin and hands (it's summer, who cares?), but there are those who "gnaw" the peel, almost as much as it annoys me when they open in half and, instead of getting rid of the stone, are left with a half of the peach attached to each half of the fruit. What do these sinful humans do? They peel them (blasphemy)! It is precisely this hairiness of the peel that brings us to other softness, normally those that, beyond touch, are only visible in the backlight and by a slight shivering of the skin (don't get excited yet, because here the subject is food), very similar to velvet.

Hence the term "velvety." Which is used, in gastronomy, as the antonym of "acidic." Whereas a passion fruit is sweet but incredibly acidic, the peach brings with it the certainty that only sweetness has a place there. Even if it is not ripe enough. It is the "velvety" texture of the touch passed to the palate, like when you taste a wine, and the tannins, which are always there, are so smooth that they leave no astringency (dry mouth sensation, like the one that follows the consumption of strawberries) and are therefore defined as "velvety." The peach is, in fact, in the pantheon of the sweetest fruits, the one with the least acid component, even if we count the other fruits of the same family, such as plum, apricot, or even cherry, all of them prunus (domestica, armeniaca, and avium, respectively), which is why it was already loved by the Chinese (hence the first records are from that region). For them, it was the philosopher's stone, the elixir of immortality, and had to be compulsorily present at emperors' banquets since, in mythology, the immortals had to wait six thousand years before they could gather for a single meal, which meant that on this plane, of mere mortals, whoever consumed it was guaranteed incredible longevity. Of the three Chinese celestial deities, which are Happiness, Prosperity, and Longevity, the latter holds a cane made of peach wood. And a gourd, which holds the Elixir of Eternal Youth, made from the fruit (yes, I am also thinking of the nectar of a famous Portuguese juice brand). Prunus persica wood is also used to protect against the evil eye (this has to do with the legend that someone protected himself from lightning under a peach tree, which is why on Chinese New Year's Eve miniature trees are placed outside the house to ward off bad energies) and in fertility rituals. In Japan, far beyond the visual spectacle of cherry trees in bloom, all prunus trees are, at the time of their flowering, connoted with purity and fidelity and even with the most chaste state of women. Yes, virginity. It is not only in Portuguese that the term "deflower" is used. And there we are again on that subject. Maybe next time there will be a recipe or two for this fruit, from homemade peach in syrup to peach pave, to a jelly that guarantees the taste of summer all winter long. But maybe that's what the Internet is for. Without naughty emojis, of course.

Translated from the original on "The Velvet Touch" issue of Vogue Portugal, published December 2022.Full stories and credits on the print issue.