English Version | To Be Continued: My big fat solo wedding

“I promise to be faithful to me, to love and respect me, all the days of my life.” No, the previous sentence is not wrong. Solo weddings are a growing fashion in several countries, particularly in Japan, where there are more and more people — women, especially — who decide to step forward and say “I do” in ceremonies with dress, cake, and photo shoot. The difference is that they marry… themselves. 

In 1996, during the tour promoting his book Bad as I Wanna Be, Dennis Rodman, one of the most emblematic NBA players (both for his “problematic” attitude and his talent), mentioned to some journalists that he would soon marry an incredible woman. To the surprise of those who were with him, the “bride” arrived at one of his autograph sessions in a carriage... fulfilling Rodman's dream of marrying himself. Besides the media frenzy — thousands of people showed up to watch, the news spread all over the world, and the memoir was on The New York Times bestseller list for more than four months — the former NBA star achieved something unthinkable until then: by coming out about his bisexuality long before it was an accepted topic, he helped others to have the courage to express their true feelings and their most unthinkable fantasies — such as living happily ever after with themselves.

Sologamy is not yet legal but it is a practice that has been growing in recent years, especially in Japan and the United States, where “I do” is pronounced in a single voice. If you are tired of hearing the usual question “So when are you getting married?”, which can also have the variant “But why are you still single?”, you should know that the solo wedding theme has already been addressed in TV series like Sex and the City, which in 2003 identified a cruel reality about the life of a single person: for a single person there is no equivalent to a wedding — a date when people travel from afar to bring you gifts and toast your life decisions. That's what, a few years later, prompted me to take action. In early September 2015, I announced on my Facebook page: “I would like to take advantage of the upcoming first day to announce that I will soon be sending out the invitations to my wedding — with myself. I have come to the conclusion that, in the last decade and three quarters, I have attended enough weddings, christenings and parties that, when this time comes, I can also celebrate my existence in any way I please. I have been present at the union of couples I hardly knew — and to whose “happiness” I contributed with my miserable euros and my irritating voice, laughing and dancing until the early hours on the dance floor — just as I was witness to real blood brothers who brought me to tears as soon as the bride started down the aisle. I chose puppets for children that aunt Ana never saw again, and anti-allergic stuffed animals for little terrorists who are now starting to think I'm cool, I helped plan surprises for dear friends and sang happy birthday to “folks” who might not be able to give me any cards today. Fear not, my friends. I have a list with all your names. One by one, you will be invited to participate in this smoke and mirrors party that will be my wedding. Dress code, whatever I want. Gift list, whatever I want. The venue, wherever I want. Date, whenever I want. And if I want to change my mind, no problemo. After all, I'm the one who will have to put up with me.” The feedback was very positive. I think most of my friends were afraid, for a moment, that I would go through with it.

I didn't, but hundreds of other women (and men, but mostly women) did. In Japan, there are companies dedicated solely to this service (marrying people to themselves), and the demand is such that they have up to 10 appointments per month. The “wedding package” includes the dress, the photographs, the make-up, the party, the cake... minus that “heavy” part of life together. Note: Japan is one of the countries where interpersonal relationships have undergone the most changes in recent years, with high rates of loneliness and heavy work hours that prevent a more active social life, so it’s only normal that people find new ways to fight solitude. But often these ceremonies go beyond the simple photo op for Instagram and become powerful moments of emancipation, in which the brides (or grooms) take the opportunity to present themselves, in front of dozens of guests, as independent, capable, happy. Solo weddings are, in a way, the endpoint in women's (or men's) self revolution, and proof that in the 21st century, princesses can build their happily ever after without the help of a prince. And vice versa.

Translated from the original on The Fairytale Issue, from Vogue Portugal, published May/June 2022.Full stories and credits on the print issue.